Passionately Managing Life

Long post alert... if you have been following our story over the past year and a half you know that we  bought a house in February 2017. This was not just a temporary move, but the house in which we would raise our children and prayerfully pass down to them one day as their own. The search process began in early 2016 until we found the house perfect for our family. We settled on February 22, 2017. Happiness was an understatement. The house is over 100 years old with lots of charm and character in the pefect neighborhood. The house was "move in ready" but there were a number of cosmetic fixes we wanted to make before moving in. After vetting contractors and getting quotes we began construction April 1, 2017. What was to be a one month job turned into a nightmare. The cosmetic fixes that we sought to make exposed serious issues within our new home. We had to gut the property and rebuild from the beams up. There was a point where there were no walls, no floors no electricity, no...

"I wasn't raised that way." "My mom would have never let me do that." "These kids no days are awful, wimps, entitled brats." "I could only speak when spoken to." "Children are to be seen and not heard." "Don't trust your kids because they'll lie to you." "Teens are going to have sex and get pregnant if you don't watch them all the time." "Let them figure life out on their own . It will make them better." "When kids are in high school they don't need their parents involved in school. Hey can handle it alone." I hear these things all the time. Parenting advice from the past and present about how people were raised or currently raise their kids. People talk about your parenting style behind your back or offer advice directly that may contradict how you interact your own children. This advice solicited or unsolicited can impact one's ability to feel secure in their pa...

Just letting it flow. I haven't written in while because I have been getting away from myself. Missing appointments and not making time to write in my planner, not  blogging. I have become consumed with doing for others once again and not taking care of my own basic needs. I drive everywhere, take the kids everywhere, house planning and construction, prom planning, kid activities while trying to stay a relevant business woman and a decent wife. Tired as always, but as I sit here out on the porch during this rain storm with my 3 girls I realize that I am blessed more than stressed. So that's what I'll end with

I've grown alot. I'm not bragging just stating a fact that is relevant to me. Here are 3 ways that I know I have grown as a person: 1. Most opinions don't effect me . I used to really care how I was perceived publicly. The way I dressed, the way I wore my hair. My weight. The activities I engaged in.  My resume. I cared what people thought about my choices. How I spent my money. I cared about being too ghetto or too black. I cared about being too much in the wrong place. Even as I put on a IDGAF persona outwardly I still cared a great deal. And it influenced how I operated. I now engage in educational discourse without shirking back and can take constructive (and not so constructive) criticism without feeling hurt for hours and changing things to appeal to the critiquer. That's totally different for me. 2. I don't overwhelm as easily. Stress kicked my butt for a long time. Yes I still experience stress, but not to the degree I once did. Stress was debilitating. ...

I'm full of contradictions, but so is everyone else. No one is linear. One way all the time. A straight line. I am working my way through all of my intricacies and learning to accept myself the way I am. I find that I fall in love with things easily. I enjoy the feeling of liking something so much that it affects me deep down in my core. It's less stress for me that way. With all my many titles I enjoy being so very different and representing so many different things. Politically I have very liberal beliefs and some conservative views as well. As a wife I am soft and submissive yet firm and boisterous in some areas. Financially I spend frivolously yet am overly consumed with saving money. Some students fear me, others adore me, many both. I'm funny (like hilarious to myself) but hella serious most times. I'm loud as hell and shy. I'm family oriented but crave alone time. I yearn for stability yet spontaneity sets fire to my soul. I'm an adrenaline junkie but sca...

I simply wanted a day to myself and that was too much to ask for. I ran into a recurring problem a few weeks back. I wanted time away but felt guilty for wanting it. Not time to go on an adventure, or time to party. Not time to get all dolled up or even get a massage. I wanted time to be completely alone, with my thoughts doing whatever I wanted (or didn't want) to do. Let me say this before y'all trip and cause a riot I AM IN LOVE WITH MY FAMILY. All caps to emphasize the feelings lol. My hubby and my kids are my world. We spend so much time together. Driving to school, weekend activities, cook together, clean together, jokes together. We're legitimately together most of the time. And I'm usually ok. There are times however when mommy/wife needs to be alone. Not in a bad way, but in a healthy way. I spend so much time trying to keep the family systems together that when it's time for "me" I'm depleted. Most of the time when I am by myself I spend it ...

I'm definitely an Educated Pretty Girl. I grind harder and harder each day and find new ways to make a way out of no way. I am compassionate. I am kind. I am love. I ❤  intelligent conversations and problem solving. I am a listener and a fixer who sometimes needs fixing. When I get overwhelmed I may bend but I don't break. I took some time to reset and will now continue pushing forward. Everything will always be ok. In the moment obstacles can seem insurmountable but  just breathe. Breathe. Then figure it out. I am better than any problem, obstacle, issue, unkind feeling anything that gets in my way. Everything thrown at me is building my character for the next challenge. So yea I'm an Educated Pretty Girl. Smart. Beautiful. Woman. 😙 #me Fi nd this shirt and others at @educatedprettygirls on Instagram

Documenting a bad customer service experience here. Please report poor customer service EVERYWHERE! This evening my family had a bad experience at a restaurant we frequent quite often. Tonight was out of the ordinary. Tonight February 22, 2018 at 6:58pm I arrived at Chili's restaurant at Cheltenham Mall with my husband and daughter's. When we arrived we were told that it would be a 20- 30 minute wait. We sat and waited. I saw a good friend and began chatting with her. She said she had been waiting for some time for a drink and had yet to be served. I look over at my family and see them becoming restless. It is now 45 minutes later. I rejoin them and check with the host to see how much longer we have to wait. He gave a vague answer of 2 more tables need to be seated before us. We were then seated at 7:59pm. A waitress did not come to our table for 10 minutes. When she arrived she took our drink and appetizer order (8:09pm). Drinks came at 8:35. I ordered hot tea but the waitres...

I used to be fun. Not that I'm not fun now with my 2.5 kids, hubby, house and all life's wonders, but I used to be full of life. Parties. Gatherings. Get togethers. Meet ups. Bar/Club scene. Dancing. I was there. Whenever a song hit the air I was on my feet on the dance floor doing whatever I felt like at any given moment. Life of the party and I loved it. I had cookout every major (or minor) holiday and football parties at the drop of a hat. I celebrated all the time. Fun. I miss that some. Yes life is different now, but I appreciate the celebratory life I used to lead. Finding ways to incorporate that sense of excitement and celebration into my more mature everyday life now. The thought of going out nightly and partying now gives me anxiety, but finding a happy medium wouldn't hurt. I deserve an outlet. 😁

I swear everyone has that one thing they can't let go. That thing you can't get rid of. The thing that breaks into your waking conscious all the time. Addictions. Temptations. Burdens. Vices. Anything from smoking to sex can be a vice if you let it. Feelings too. See I spent a long time being addicted to a feeling. A thrill. No I didn't joy ride or bungee jump, but I did get a kick out of pushing myself to the limit emotionally. Drama. The thrill of being in the mix. Creating a problem that I could get myself worked up about, complain about then "whoa as me" myself to death until it was resolved. Sometimes the attention the drama brought satisfied the urge for a thrill. I found that the more drama I created the more I attracted. Chaos. It's strange to admit that I was addicted to a feeling, but it's taken 10 years and a serious stab at mental health for me to recognize it. I was attracted to it. Got a sense of euphoria in the midst of it and wanted more on...

So in living my life as stressfully as it has been of late I ended up in the hospital (read about that journey later). I've decided to take my life back. Somewhere along the way I lost myself. Constantly being on the go and taking care of everyone else has taken it's toll on me. So this is how I'm taking action: 1. EVALUATING MY STRESSORS : I'm identifying what stresses me then developing a plan to eliminate it. The key to this trick is to be as specific as possible.  For instance, "money" is a general worry for me, but more specifically budgeting enough money to manage bills, pay debt and enjoy our livelihood causes me panic.  Stating the stressor as specifically as possible helps me to identify a strategic way to attack that specific worry and not just an ambiguous  "money" problem. 2. SLEEP : I HAVE to get enough sleep. My entire mood shifts when I don't sleep enough. I also get sick more often when I'm exhausted. I feel healthier, more ...

Last year was my year of yes and this year has turned in to my year of no. I learned a lot about myself through triumphs and difficulties in 2017. Now I am taking power in my ability to limit myself in what I accept and/or agree to and truth be told I feel freer than I have in a very long time. Please don't take this as negative because it is far from it. This is more of me preserving my energy for the things that I find most important. I had a tendency to spread myself thin. Too thin. A lot of us do this honestly. Overpromise. Running around. A million things and places but little substance. I now just say no and by taking back my power I am effectively saying that the things to which I give my energy are the things that I value. I am taking stock of things that drain me in anyway and finding ways to end their effect on my me. This principle applies in every area of my life. At work, with family, with friends, in business - I reserve the right to say no to any and everything with...

The epitome of everything... We needed this win. I needed this win. This year. This team. My team. My city. Been a die hard Eagle since birth. A girl who knows football and can hold her own in a conversation especially when it comes to her Birds. Been a daddy's girl all my life and being able to watch the game with him as he witnessed our team win the first ever Superbowl was priceless. This win means so much to me. I'm passionate about alot of things but this win has stirred up so much emotion. The Philadelphia Eagles won a Superbowl. Still in awe. I stood in the middle of the parade and looked around at all the people and said this one is for us. This is for all the defeats. This is for all the NFC east titles to nowhere. The NFC Championships to nowhere. This is for Superbowl 39. This is for 4th and 26. This is for the miracle at the Meadow Lands. This is for snowballs at Santa. This is for every Cowgirls fan that asks us where our Superbowl ring is while holding on to th...

Panic. Anxiety. All I felt. For a 4 hour period I experienced one of the most mentally debilitating experiences of my life. Never would I have ever thought that I would have a panic attack. But I did. And it wasn't the textbook panic attack that people read about. I was actually out in the world interacting with people. Even driving. I started to feel an overwhelming sense of anxiety as I was leaving my house to pick my kids up from school. The sense grew bigger and bigger wrecking me with both thoughts of overwhelm and physiological signs of distress. Hotness in the face, difficulty breathing, inability to concentrate. I sent my husband a text saying that I was in the midst of some kind of anxiety attack while driving on the highway. During this episode I was still able to function in the world which above all else made me the saddest. I drove, greeted people, saw my parents. I acted and functioned "normally" but the entire time I felt overcome. I couldn't place the...

I have 4 main goals in my life right now. Most things that I do relate to achieving one or all 4 of these goals. 1. Establish an emergency savings 2. Get current on all bills 3. Get completely out of debt (credit card installments loans, student loans) 4. Finish construction work on my newish house First things first, these are goals that both my husband and I agree on. Finances are literally one of the top reasons for divorce and discord in marriages. We both agree that these goals (yes all financially based) are important to us, our family and our lifestyle. Let's explore them one by one. 1. ESTABLISH AN EMERGENCY SAVINGS Before any other goal we need cash in case of emergency. In the last 3 weeks we have had 3 pipes burst, furnace stopped working, flooded first floor of house and that's all in the first two weeks of the year. Emergencies happen (though usually not to this scale) and money is needed to fix things. If you have no cash reserve for emergencies then you ta...

I get mad sometimes and that's ok. It took me a long time to be ok with my feelings. The way I used to process feelings was extreme. Either I was REALLY happy, EXTREMELY worried, WAY OVER THE TOP angry or totally underwhelmed. Yeah I know it sounds manic but everything resonated with me. I'm still pretty emotional but I have found a few ways to cope (writing being my fave). 1. I talk about how I feel. It took me a long time to realize that talking about things helps me to process them. When I'm angry, frustrated or confused being able to talk about a situation helps me to see it clearer and move forward. 2. I sit with my feelings. Every emotion doesn't need a reaction or even a name. Sometimes I get an overwhelming urge to smile out of nowhere and that's fine. I revel in those moments. Other times I get a negative feeling that I can't place so I sit still. Not worrying or trying to figure it out. I just notice the feeling and then let it go. The reason for the...

I've always been a reader. Like I will pretty much read anything. I love to read almost as much as I like to write. With my schedule and life lately it's been hard for me to read as much as I'd like so I've turned to the world of audio books. My commutes can be 2 hours daily and in that time I listen to books to ease my mind. There is just something about reading that makes me feel like I am increasing my flow of knowledge. I have lofty goals to finish 2 books a month and so far this year I am half way done two books already. There isn't a better way to learn than to read. Maybe it's the teacher in me, but I can not fully grasp a concept until I have studied and read about it for at least an hour. I love discovering the newness of a once obsolete topic by just reading an article or publication. The fast paced, instant information age we live in is no match for the age of studying information to have a deep understanding. I'll take my books anyday over a half...

Over the past year I have learned so much about myself. I used to think I was strong. I used to think I had it all together. Married to the love of my life. Mom to two girls. College graduate. Great career. I started two companies as a way to do more in my community. Family go to person. You need help with something? Call Dana and she'll fix it. But I stopped. Stopped cold. You see I experienced a series of huge life changes all in a short amount of time. Became a published author and bought a house all in February 2017. Such an exciting time in my life. A new income stream in addition to small time city fame. Interviews, radio, tv, appearances all over. It was a lot all in a short amount of time. On the family front we started doing small work on our house, but that stalled quickly. My career was in an upward swing while personally my family was drowning. The new home became a nightmare that we are still reeling from. Bad contractors, borrowing from the bank to finish repairs, mor...