Passionately Managing Life

The pandemic that mostly affects my life is gun violence. The amount of people that have been shot or killed or affected by gun violence is more than I know that have been affected by the Corona virus. Every time I turn on the news another person is reported shot and dead. I’m always checking the location to see if I know anyone living close by. I’m fearful all the time of getting a phone call or a text message that someone I know has been shot and killed. It hurts to feel like I’m in constant fear. Every day I’m scared to death and kids are normalizing death. It is unfair. The value of life is diminishing. People now know what to do whenever someone dies.  Candle light vigils. Balloon releases.  Funeral procession. Repass.  Food for the family. Tshirts. Teddy bears. Cardboard cutouts. Memorial service.  Burial. Hashtags and  social media RIP tributes.  Updated profile pics and bios.  It feels like our lives have so little value. What makes it even wor...

Life can beat you down. I am a helper. A lover. A fixer, but I can't fix everything and the knowledge of this hit me hard this year. I've been mourning the loss of relationships over and over again. And it hurts. Unexpected endings hurt. Even when the decision was mutual. It hurts. Even losing toxic energy can be painful. Or growing distant gradually. When the loss was for my own good. It hurt badly. When a life suddenly ended it devastated. Missing a person's energy and laughter. Their demeanor and spirit hurts. And I've been powering through hurt this year. A few endings s ent me into a sadness that I didn't even realize was there. The impact people have on you can go unnoticed until you no longer have access to them. To miss someone is one of the most powerful feelings. Even in their physical absence you long for their presence. No matter how much sense it makes for the separation. No matter the rhyme or reason. No matter how much better off my present...

I find that I spend lots of time creating products and then when it is time to share it with the world I freeze. I get scared. This happens over and over again. I wrote 2 books, published 1, I published a journal on Amazon and created a tshirt brand in the past year. I just get scared when it's time for self promotion. If it was my kids or students I would gladly promote. The family business gets lots of promotion, but when it's me and mine alone I just don't. Maybe it's imposter syndrome. Who would want to read anything that I write? Who wants to hear what I have to say? Or maybe it's fear of rejection. Fear of negative reactions. Fear of people getting sick of me. I do alot and I always wonder if people hate me for it or look down on me. Am I oversaturated? Always doing something that makes people roll their eyes. This is my truth. My way of thinking. Self promotion has always been difficult for me. Even if you see me out in front promoting know that it's hard...