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Vice

I swear everyone has that one thing they can't let go. That thing you can't get rid of. The thing that breaks into your waking conscious all the time. Addictions. Temptations. Burdens. Vices. Anything from smoking to sex can be a vice if you let it. Feelings too. See I spent a long time being addicted to a feeling. A thrill. No I didn't joy ride or bungee jump, but I did get a kick out of pushing myself to the limit emotionally. Drama. The thrill of being in the mix. Creating a problem that I could get myself worked up about, complain about then "whoa as me" myself to death until it was resolved. Sometimes the attention the drama brought satisfied the urge for a thrill. I found that the more drama I created the more I attracted. Chaos. It's strange to admit that I was addicted to a feeling, but it's taken 10 years and a serious stab at mental health for me to recognize it. I was attracted to it. Got a sense of euphoria in the midst of it and wanted more once it was gone. Like a fix. Insane right? I've had the chance to examine some of my thought process over the years as I'm calmly detaching myself from unhealthy situations. Just like a cigarette an addiction to a feeling can cause you pain.

That vice don't love you. Dedicated to all my fellow drama addicts.

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