Passionately Managing Life

While teaching my students during virtual learning a recurring theme plays out almost daily. Many of my students are working. Their work schedules interfere with their school schedules and they are often front line workers. When the pandemic forced statewide shut downs of everything but essential businesses many of my students were already called to action. The businesses deemed essential were not only hospitals, but also grocery stores, gas stations, discount stores and fast food restaurants. Family Dollar, Dollar General, Amazon, Walmart and Target all are essential businesses and all employ teenagers, many of whom are Black and brown. We teachers often hear students say they've missed online class because of work, some will even join a Zoom class from behind the cash register at work. More times than I can count this school year a student has been at work while in virtual class. They are trying to balance completing assignments, being present in class while also bagging grocer...

Today I called out of work. I reached my level of overwhelmed yesterday. I was so upset emotionally drained and brain beaten that I felt a panic attack approaching. I sat in a corner on the floor clutching my phone as I called my husband asking him to come home from work. I was a wreck. And the thing about it is that the trigger wasn't terribly bad but it sent me over the edge. The wifi wouldnt work properly. I work from home. Correction I teach from home. There are kids in my face all day. On zoom. My zoom room is my classroom and my internet cutting out in the middle of the class is the equivalent to me walking out during a lesson leaving the kids unattended. My internet cut out in the middle of class twice this week. It cut out completely in the middle of a meeting I was leading. That did it. The zoom shut off, my phone died while on the charger. My email wouldn't go through. Nothing would work all at the same time. On top of this both my kids were having trouble with the w...

While we are fighting the good fight, protesting injustices, demanding equality and the right to live while also attempting to protect ourselves in the midst of a global pandemic we have to remember to care for ourselves. As educators we not only have ourselves to consider but we encounter hundreds of personalities daily. Students, colleagues, administrators, parents. We engage at a high level every single day for hours on end. The relationships that we create while teaching are meaningful ones therefore we can be overcome with feelings of helplessness especially in an uncertain time like this.  Since forever school has been a constant. The academic calendar has been second nature in our society. September to June 8am - 3pm. Clockwork. For students, parents and educators alike. The shutdown has upended our sense of normalcy on a scale that is unprecedented.  Feeling the loss of milestones like graduation, prom, end of year trips, school traditions  Being empat...

You know what that Breonna Taylor verdict verified? Is that we have to do for ourselves. We have to matter for ourselves. We have to protect ourselves. Whatever that means for you and yours. For me it means that I have to continue to push mine. My girls have to reach their goals. I have to continue to show up for my students. They need to see my black woman face running stuff behind the scenes. My husband needs me to encourage from behind. My daughters need to be pushed to reach for their greatness. I need to show up for myself. I have goals and dreams I still need to reach and I have to achieve them. I have to show up for myself. No one is coming to save us. They don't even care about us. But we got us. I'll make sure of it. 

No pen to paper but getting my thoughts out. I love my husband. We've been working hard to make it work and it shows. I appreciate him. B ecoming a wife has taught me a new level of patience. To take someone else into consideration. I am not always right. It is not always one way to doing things. You can show love differently. You have to be willing to listen without a response ready and you have to be willing to try. Try hard all the time. I loved my husband but was selfish and unkind. I thought I knew everything. I thought I had to be right all the time and have all the answers. Marriage is hard because it is work. He taught me that I do love and can love in a way that is unselfish. I don't have to be in control of everything. And that is ok. Every day I wake up feeling like I need him more and more by my side. I admire the man he is. The father he is. The husband he is. The protector. He helps me continuously believe in myself and my abilities and I am thankful for that. In ...

Shit is still unbelievable... or not. This happens often. The perception of guilt because of our blackness, the company we keep, the communities we live in. It's justified because the no knock warrant was the law. It's justified because the police officers were fired upon by her licensed to carry boyfriend in the dark in the middle of the night. They were asleep. You know because when you have work in the morning you go home where you are safe and rest for the next day's work. We take it for granted. White people, people that are not from working class communities, communities not of color can take this for granted. This is not an anomaly. It is the law and her life does not matter as much as someone with more prestige, less melanin, more money. I'm hurt that I am not surprised by any of this. Breonna Taylor should not be a hashtag. She was doing absolutely nothing wrong. She was asleep in her own house and the police came in and shot her. Atatiana Jefferson...

People put so much emphasis on perfection when thinking about Jada Pinkett-Smith and celebrities/politicians in general. I think about all of the naysayers saying that she can't be an expert on interpersonal relationships or give advice through channels like the Red Table Talk series because of her recent admission of supposed infidelity in her marriage. But she is a human being. That is one thing that has frightened me in all of my professional journeys. People believe that if you fail in one aspect of your life then you don't have the right to give advice to anyone in another area or even in that area of life. It is a perceived notion that you must be perfect all around, have a perfect image everywhere so that you can advise. People are trying to cancel her saying that she can't give anyone advice on anything anymore because of this new revelation. This revelation that is new to us. But who are we really? My question comes in how can people grow if the mistakes they make ...

It feels like war is brewing. Everything on my timeline is about how Black Lives Matter. Names keep filling my screen. More protests now than in the past 100 years calling for racial justice basically asking that our people not be murdered at the hands of the people sworn to serve and protect. It feels like people in my immediate circle get it. My friends, family, many coworkers though not all. It seems that those I follow on social media get it, though not everyone. I live in Philly. A big city with big city ideals and issues. Where people openly criticize the utter gaw and disrespect of 45. People call his judgement into question all the time in the places that I frequent. It's normal here, but MANY if not the majority of people within our country feel completely differently from the way I do about respecting Black lives and the need to defend them. Many support 45 and his policies about law and order, immigration and the way in which he en...

Here's my story. I have been scared to fully share my story because I was afraid of feeling like a failure in this area of my life. Over the pass 5 years I have been trying to find ways to earn additional income and step out on my own in business. I've always had side hustles but I started trying to accelerate my earning potential outside of my full time job with the goal of hopefully exiting. I am a College Advisor by day. The job requires teaching, counseling and guiding 12th grade students in the college application and financing processes. It has a heavy emphasis on parents education in financial aid, scholarships and college choice. I provide direct service and support to all 12th graders and their families as they transition from high school to their next plan. This is a big job that so many more parents and students should benefit from. I started to provide individual consultations to those that would contact me outside of my job. Friends of friends and of my students bu...

I am feeling overwhelmed on so many levels. The threat of becoming ill and the world shutting down this spring due to the Corona virus global pandemic effected me deeper than I thought. Even before this pandemic I took time off work because I was mentally stretched. I was tired and unfocused and confused. I felt like I was operating in a fog. I couldn't get myself together. Maybe my mind and body were preparing me for a shift.  I am tired. I'm tired of being tired. These past few days, weeks, months have worn on my soul. Worn on my very being. I have been trying to release each thing only to be hit by something else soon after.  This pandemic has made me reevaluate my sense of self. I am a people person. I am good in person. I am not an online instructor. Technology has scared me for a very long time. I am completely out of my comfort zone. I am also failing at being a good home teacher for my baby. Her sleep schedule is completely off, she's not actively engaging in classw...

This school year has been hard. Jahiara lost her mom. We lost Suhail. Many of you lost loved ones. Science was a wash. We lost the end of the school year. We lost prom. We lost graduation. We lost celebrations. A virus took so much away. Racial trauma is continuing to plague us. Over and over again. I'm angry, sad, anxious, fearful, tired. So tired. Tired of everything. I do the work I do because our kids need someone to speak for them. My kids need an advocate, someone in their corner. I worked hard to secure my position, mastered my craft, built a reputation, gathered connections all so I could be a resource for my people. My youth. My kids. College advising is a way for me to help my kids realize they are bigger than their surroundings. A way to help them realize their dreams. A way to help them realize that they can do anything they want in this life. A way to visualize their futures. Sometimes it involves convincing them to do things they don't want to do. It's about...

"Who does she think she is?" "What gives her the right...?" "Why do they listen to her?" "Why her and not me?" "Where does she think she is" "Who's boss is she?" "She's not even their mom.." "Why, why, why" All the chatter behind my back I hear, loudly and you know what I've questioned myself too. I've asked "why me?" In all aspects of my life. My marriage, being the mother I am to my 3 girls, my job as a College Advisor/school whatever I am, my businesses, my house, my life overall the way I interact with the world. What makes me different? I show up. Everyday and DO THE WORK. I care. I care about people. I see a need and do what needs to be done. I don't talk shit and sit back and do nothing. I see what needs to be done and try my best to come up with solutions. I'm not always nice about it. I'm not always cheerful. Hell I'm not always healthy but I show up for pe...

Let others know how you feel. Speak your mind and heart. Make amends. LIVE. There is no tomorrow only today. Speak your truth. Do what you are called to do. Your life is now not later. I'm watching the news of Kobe's death wreak havoc on so many. We walk around everyday playing small and not realizing this life we are gifted. LIVE. LOVE. Step out on FAITH. Thank you Lord for my mind, health, insight and family. Peace and love everyone. So much death in these past few months has me evaluating my life. LIVE BIGGER because this life isn't promised.