Panic. Anxiety. All I felt. For a 4 hour period I experienced one of the most mentally debilitating experiences of my life. Never would I have ever thought that I would have a panic attack. But I did. And it wasn't the textbook panic attack that people read about. I was actually out in the world interacting with people. Even driving. I started to feel an overwhelming sense of anxiety as I was leaving my house to pick my kids up from school. The sense grew bigger and bigger wrecking me with both thoughts of overwhelm and physiological signs of distress. Hotness in the face, difficulty breathing, inability to concentrate. I sent my husband a text saying that I was in the midst of some kind of anxiety attack while driving on the highway. During this episode I was still able to function in the world which above all else made me the saddest. I drove, greeted people, saw my parents. I acted and functioned "normally" but the entire time I felt overcome. I couldn't place the root of the emotion until much later when I finally bursted into tears once I got back home. The saddest thing for me was being able to "function" without anyone knowing what was really going on. I was scared to death in the midst of it all. I employed all of my calming techniques and tricks, but did not let anyone on the outside to know that I was struggling inside. How many people go through life like this? I was eventually ok. I talked it out. wrote it out, slept it out. Then began my search for a new therapist (therapyforblackgirls.com the podcast is amazing btw). The fact that I could hide the level of pain and discomfort that I was experiencing so well was a wake up call for me. I know so many of us struggle with the superwoman syndrome, but that day I felt 100% helpless. The best thing I could do then and can now do for myself is to practice effective personalized self care. I totally made that term up but it applies. I need to adhere to my own self care regime and that's whatever works for me. You should try it too. Love your self enough to be and seek the help you need. Also have compassion. You never know what someone is going through on the inside. Besos.
Just letting it flow. I haven't written in while because I have been getting away from myself. Missing appointments and not making time to write in my planner, not blogging. I have become consumed with doing for others once again and not taking care of my own basic needs. I drive everywhere, take the kids everywhere, house planning and construction, prom planning, kid activities while trying to stay a relevant business woman and a decent wife. Tired as always, but as I sit here out on the porch during this rain storm with my 3 girls I realize that I am blessed more than stressed. So that's what I'll end with
♥️
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