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Encanto - Matriarch Misunderstood

​“The love and respect I have for Encanto and the story it tells. It brings so much to the forefront. I can understand the thought process behind wanting to “control” the family narrative in an attempt to protect them from harm especially when you have experienced traumatic events that have shaped your perspective and altered life as you know it. This movie hit me so hard😭”  a Facebook post by me


What I love about Encanto is the real-life depiction of a strong matriarch and the invisible pressure put on her shoulders to ensure that the family is surviving. What happens when you’re a strong woman with a family is that you make it so the family doesn’t realize what they need or what is lacking because she covers it all. She acts as the backbone and foresees what has to be taken care of in the future. All issues are handled because that strong woman makes it so. It’s hard for her to show vulnerability because she is a woman in charge. It’s hard to be flexible or accept mediocrity because she can let her family down. There is something within that feels that if she fails her family will suffer, that the next generation won’t have what is needed to thrive. While the matriarch is making sacrifices in the present for a hoped-for future, the younger family members don’t understand the reasoning behind the sacrifices so resentment can develop. The choices the matriarch felt she had to make to ensure the safety and sustainability of her family are questioned and scorned. The family can live the life they live because of the decisions made, forward planning, and strength of women like the matriarch. 


Women have always made sacrifices for their families and made it look easy, but the weight of strength can bring down a person over time killing the inner spirit. Aside from the mental and physical health effects, it can have a negative impact on family relationships when the purpose was to set them up for survival and success. The matriarch can be seen as cold, calculated, or controlling when the intention was to shield the family from harm that she likely experienced firsthand. My mother covered my immediate family. My grandmother covered my extended family. The decisions they made shaped my existence and peppered my life’s experiences. They likely lead out of a mix of fear and hope for our futures and the legacy of our family. 


I am not speaking on this topic through a psychological lens. I fully understand that there are toxic implications and mental health issues that can result from family dynamics. I am speaking through a lived experience lens; through watching and mirroring; through feeling the need to make sacrifices for family and being misunderstood. I’m speaking on this topic not only because it personally impacts me, but also I see so many hard-working women make current sacrifices for the generations to follow. The decisions they make today impact the generations after. Often the hard behind-the-scenes work goes unnoticed because it is silent. It is a life full of decisions no one else wants to make and silent sacrifice.


Using this space to shed light on what happens behind the scenes for strong mother figures that make sacrifices for their families. When we attempt to shield the family from personal struggles we endured, or have first-hand knowledge of, a level of indignation can develop from the family she is trying to protect. Without lived experience or a full understanding of sacrifice, the family can challenge the matriarchs true intentions.


This is not an opportunity to emasculate or justify wrongdoing. This is through the lens of a matriarch making decisions on behalf of her family because she can foresee how decisions made now can have impact on the trajectory of the family’s future.


My three cents.


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