This year started with a hurricane that flooded Philadelphia. In the fall with a tremendous level of stress was experienced by our staff, teachers and students who tried to come back to in person learning after being virtual for almost 2 years. The conflicting information between educational priorities and health and safety guidelines mixed with mental health stressors for everyone made for a contentious atmosphere that started to boil over, but we weren't alone. Educators everywhere were at their breaking point. Being on the frontlines of everything left teachers depleted. One of my coping mechanism is to travel and relax as best I can. My husband took me to Dallas and we enjoyed time outside of the noise. I expected to feel rejuvenated once I returned but became ill almost immediately after.
During this time I dealt with a nondescript upper respiratory infection for about three weeks that was not COVID but presented itself as such. Many hospital visits with little help and there was no real diagnosis or treatment. I missed so many days of school and worried about the impact my absence would have on my students. That worry did not help my healing, mentally or physically. The village I have makes it possible to care for my household while I'm down and my husband takes care of everything, but at school I worried about my kids missing me and the impact on their future plans.
Upon getting better and returning to school the Omicron variant hit and we went virtual. It's like there was no reprieve. The dark days of winter felt even darker. Through the holiday season we were advised to stay home and not gather. The virtual schooling lasted until mid January. When we returned to school I spent the beginning of each class period talking to my students about why I'd missed so much school, yet that I was there for them. I wanted them to know that I believe in them and that I would be their biggest advocate for the rest of the year.
Then my brother-in-law passed away suddenly. It hurt us all to the core. That changed my life in ways that I couldn't have even imagined. Took me away from school once again. My school family both students and staff send a huge amount of support to my husband and our family. I worked through it all as best I could through the spring. In March I got a concussion doing the simplest thing and it took me out for a while. The pattern of going in and out of school continued. My guilt went in and out with it. We made it to spring break I got the flu on day 2. At least I was off work.
There was joy intertwined in there as well. We celebrated life. We showered my oldest daughter for her baby boy. It brought our family together. There was an air of sublime positivity and love embedded throughout the entire process. During the shower my new son son proposed in front of all. The love is exactly what we needed.
My husband and I celebrated our 12th anniversary and had an amazing local staycation. We celebrated our love and it fed my spirit. And my grandson was born and he made everything worth it!
Then finally after two years without I contracted Covid and though fully vaccinated and boosted I experienced every unpleasant symptom and was down for almost 2 weeks. My daughter, son in law and 4 day old grandbaby had to relocate quickly. It hurt me so bad.
Professionally I was tested more than I ever have been. My students are much needier this year and I have taken my role as college advisor mom to new heights. I feel personally responsible for all of them. There was more grief and angst among our seniors and a lot of my job was connecting them to resources to better their lives right now, in addition to helping them realize their dreams for the future. I turned into a counselor for my staff members who just wanted an outlet. I began holding court at my desk for any staff or students who needed to express themselves. I started feeling guilty every time I was out attending to my health or my family because I knew that my kids needed me, my staff needed me.
This year has been a different level of difficult. I know what I am capable of. I know that I need to get healthier mentally and physically in order to continue on. I know that I am valued. I know that I am valuable and though there's a heightened sense of fear in regards to city wide violence, in regards to mass shootings in populated places, in regards to potential shootings in schools, in regards to health and safety, I believe that I am exactly where I'm supposed to be doing the Lord's work. Showing up is my superpower so through this reflection I'm able to see that in those dark days of December and February there was and is a higher purpose. I am not the only one who has experienced uncertainty and tragedy. We need to spotlight what we actually go through as educators, spouses, as people. We are all humans experiencing all these emotionally difficult situations yet we continue on.
This is my truth. My school year in review. A year like no other but I made it. Peace and love to everyone who got to the end💙
Comments
Post a Comment